I sometimes hear from people who have tried the “traditional way” of making a man want to commit. They try to make him feel guilty. They tell him how important marriage is to them. They give him ultimatums. Most of us know that these tactics just do not work. And yet, we feel compelled to try them anyway. When our suspicions are confirmed and we’ve risked making things worse, it occurs to us that it might make sense to go against the grain so that he isn’t expecting the next tactic.
One good example of this is attempting to use reverse psychology. The idea is to make him think you don’t want or aren’t thinking about the commitment so that he will more easily give it to you.
Someone might say: “I truly believe that I am meant to be married to the man I am currently seeing. I firmly believe that we are meant to have a family together and to grow old together. The problem is that he just does not see this yet. He feels that there is no real hurry. His parents dated for over a decade and they are pretty honest about the fact that they are only married for the kids. The guy I am dating actually broke up with his last girlfriend because she pressured him to get married. He just got tired of it. So I know that I can not use this tactic. But I am thinking that I might use reverse psychology. Does this ever work? And if so, how do you use it most effectively?”
In terms of getting the commitment that you want, reverse psychology is attempted in a couple of different ways. The first example is that you pretty much allow him to pursue you. The idea is that you act as if he wants you more than you want him. By the end of the process, the hope is that he is almost desperate for you to show him some sort of committed affection because you’ve been standoffish. I find that this one only works if a guy is crazy for you – and even then it is only going to work for a short time. Most people get tired of feeling rejected and of playing these games. Plus, it seems that in this scenario, it is really too late for that anyway. This couple had already been dating for a while and this man likely already knew that she was at least a little invested.
The second way that people will try to use reverse psychology to get is a commitment is that they will pretend that a commitment isn’t really important to them. They will act as if they just want to date casually or as if it is the relationship that matters and not what ultimately becomes of that relationship. These are the women who will often tell a man that she just wants to be with him and have fun and not worry about what form the relationship takes.
Sometimes, this does work in getting a man into a relationship that he would have been reluctant to enter into before. But, you can only take this so far. Because once you start this, then you have to continue to act as if the commitment is not that important to you – even if this is the furthest thing from the truth. What happens if he is perfectly happy carrying on in this casual way for a very long period of time?
The hope is always that after a while, he will come to want the commitment on this own, without your needing to pressure him. It is always best to let a man want to commit without pressure. But, not all men will do this. Some are perfectly happy to continue on with your “no commitment” relationship. That is the risk with reverse psychology.
There is nothing wrong with trying this. But you have to know that there the possibility that he won’t change his mind and will want to continue on with a more casual relationship. At that point, you’ll either have to continue on in this way, or you’ll have to admit that you have changed your mind, and admit that a commitment has now become important to you.